Friendship till Death

It?s difficult to be on friendly terms with your friends. All could be well, were it not for their nice habit of working with scissors.
?More tea?? my friend asks kindly, trimming my left ear. ?Some vodka perhaps?? the other friend adds, simultaneously cutting off my surplus chin.
Crawling away, completely bandaged, I take to my bed at an unknown enemy?s place, and when people approach me I make a hideous animal face, so as not to tempt them to sudden friendship.

Anatoly Kudryavitsky trans. Carol Rumens and Yuri Drobyshev